Managing the In-Laws Without Losing Your Cool when Planning your Wedding
You absolutely adore your partner, but their parents? That might be a little more, let’s say… complicated.
Maybe it’s a clash of personalities. Maybe it’s cultural differences. Or maybe they simply have a lot of opinions about your choices from how you cook to how you dress to how you’re planning your wedding. Whatever the case, dealing with in-laws can feel like walking a tightrope while juggling flaming torches. Stressful, to say the least.
Here’s what I see, family tension is one of the biggest sources of wedding stress. But, it doesn’t have to ruin your engagement, your wedding day, or drive you around the bend.
So, how do you keep the peace and not cause a family feud without losing it?
Here are some straight-talking tips that might help.
Try not to take it personally
Easier said than done, I know. But often, when in-laws make “helpful” comments, it’s less about you and more about them. They may feel protective of their son or daughter, or insecure about their changing role in your partner’s life. Sometimes they’re just old-school and set in their ways.
That doesn’t mean their digs don’t sting but if you can remind yourself it’s not really about you, it’s easier to let the smaller things slide if you can.
Boundaries are your best friend
You don’t have to tolerate everything just because you are marrying into the family. If your in-laws cross the line with criticism, interference, or just constant overstepping it’s absolutely okay, if not essential to put boundaries in place.
That might mean:
Limiting how much time you spend with them.
Steering conversations away from hot topics (how many friends they can invite, who’s sitting where).
Politely but firmly saying, “We’ve got this covered, thanks.”
Boundaries aren’t rude. They’re essential. And they’ll save you a lot of stress down the line.
Communicate (without blowing your top)
It’s tempting to bite your tongue until you finally blow but that just leads to arguments no one wins as they are too heated when in the moment. Instead, aim for clear, respectful communication.
If something’s bothering you, say so calmly. “I feel hurt when…” is better than “You always…”. It opens a space for conversation rather than confrontation. Sometimes, they genuinely don’t realise how their words are coming across.
Lean on your partner
This is important: you are not in this alone. Your partner should be your teammate when it comes to managing their family.
That means backing each other up, presenting a united front, and having those tricky conversations together when needed. It’s not about choosing sides, it’s about protecting your relationship and starting how you mean to go on.
Focus on the positives
Yes, they might drive you up the wall sometimes but remember they also raised the person you fell in love with. There’s probably something good in there, even if you have to dig a little.
Try to notice the positives: maybe they’re generous, funny, or brilliant with your kids. Shifting focus won’t make the annoyances disappear, but it will stop them from overshadowing everything.
Pick your battles
Not every comment or criticism is worth a showdown. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in five years?” If the answer is no, let it go. Save your energy for the bigger issues that really impact your life and relationship.
Try to keep your sanity and keep your big day drama-free
I find with my coaching clients that tension with in-laws is common. You’re not alone if you feel like you’re constantly dodging snide remarks or unsolicited advice. But you can manage it without losing your cool.
And if you’re finding wedding planning stressful because of all the family drama (and let’s be honest, there’s always some), I’ve got something to help.
✨ My free guide “Ditch the Drama – Enjoy a Stress-Free Wedding” gives you practical strategies to handle unwanted opinions, set boundaries, and keep calm when everyone else seems intent on winding you up.
👉 Grab your free copy here: Ditch the Drama
Because your wedding should be about love, celebrations and having as much fun as possible along the way, not dodging drama from the sidelines.